The love dare, and my silly monkey

I haven't blogged in a while. Life seems to be speeding up by the second, and I haven't really found the time to collect many thoughts. This week has just flown by. The weather has been such a relief lately. I don't particularly mind the rain, but days seem to drag as Zach can't get outside. Bill and I took him to Disneyland on Sunday. Throughout the last year we have had many Disneyland trips, but just the last few has Zach really enjoyed it. I wonder what goes through his little mind when he see's the characters we read about and see in the Disney movies. He hasn't seen much of Winnie the Pooh, but has taken a liking to him. I don't think he really gets that Pooh's name doesn't have anything to do with poo-poo. He says poo-poo throughout the ride and even scrunches up his nose when he says it. It's so funny. I remember being so deathly afraid of the Haunted Mansion, and Pirates ( Ok, I was a huuuuge baby) but it doesn't seem to bother him. Maybe next year it will hit him. Zach loves Pirates and "rawrrs" at them throughout the ride. It is so fun to see how our babes react to things, which ones they like, and which ones they most definitely don't. I really can't believe how fast he is growing. It seems the last month he has become a "big boy." I'm not really used to it. I find myself helping him with things I know he can do, only to be reminded "Stop, me." ( Stop, I can do it.) Then, I sit and watch in amazement. Not that he can do it, but that he doesn't want me to help. I see a healthy balance, and I am glad for that. He has the independence, but still needs me to kiss his "owie's." He helps me cook, and loves to "stir-it-up", he knows to put his blocks away before bed, and enjoys doing it. I see a sense of accomplishment in his face when he is done. He brings me diapers and wipes when he needs a change, oh and one for shrek too. Shrek needs his poo-poo changed also. He says "eeeeiiiiwwww" to shreks poop, as if it is worse than his! We're going through a clingy stage right now, which in the moments of this static-cling I could run and lock myself in the bathroom, but in hind sight I wouldn't have it any other way. I know that he will be a more confident and self assured person because of it. And I know I will look back and cherish these times. At bedtime after he sneakily has convinced me to read 3 books instead of one, he knows after lights out and prayers mama's out of there. So, while we are lying down doing prayers, his hand is on my head the whole time. If I try to raise it, it's "NO, TOP." Then we say prayers again, and it's bed time. I think of these times now that I am writing them down and I noticed I have had a smile on my face the whole time. That's what this boy does to me.

On another note; I am doing the "Love Dare." This http://thelovedarebook.com/ book is featured in the movie "Fireproof." It's about a couples marriage that is seemingly over. This was their last attempt at saving their relationship. A friend of mine bought me the book and I am going to give this one last shot. It is similar to a journal, and on each page there is a "love dare." I know, it sounds really cheesy but hey, if cheese can help save my marriage, I'm ok with it. Really though, when you get into the book it's not cheesy. The first day's dare was to be patient. Demonstrate patience and don't say one negative word of negativity to your spouse all day. If you feel the need to, don't say anything. So, we'll see. I encourage anyone who is hanging to their marriage by a thread like I am, to try it. Or, if you simply want to strengthen your marriage. It basically is teaching you unconditional love. So, I will check back in. Maybe I will do my entries on here. We'll see.

Zach-a-boo, I love you.

I'm and Ogre...

I haven't posted about Zach in a while. And, well, that kid is just too funny these days not to document it. Everyday he seems to change and grow in some way. He is talking more, but still realizes that I will figure out whatever it is he is trying to say, therefore pointing works. This boy just has a way about him, I swear he was an old man in his past life; or something like that.
I love hearing his new words. My mom got him a "Shrek" doll that says phrases from the movie. One of them says "I'm an Ogre", and Shrek has that silly accent, you know. So, Zach has picked up the accent along with the words. He says" I'm an Oga." It is so cute. It's amazing what those little voices can do for our soul.
Each day feels like a journey we have set out to conquer together. A team. I never expected mama hood to bring to my life what it has. I knew it would be so, so good. But this? This is more than one could ever ask for. The thing is, your whole life you can build your character, the person you are, but never could you imagine the person you are after(and during, of course) mama hood. I know I am still new to this, and I have many, many years to go; but I am talking what I have learned so far. So much of what I learn if from Zach. Each day I learn from him. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Are the best teachers our children? They teach patience, discipline, kindness, compassion, endurance, and so much more. I thank God everyday for this wonderful life I am living. I really, honestly, would not trade it for all of the money in the world. Or anything else for that matter. I am a happy mama, raising a happy babe. I am sure most mama's can relate to this- but do you even remember life before our babes? I am sure you remember it, but does it seem even half as important as life now? Did your relationship with your husband seem to have as much meaning as it does now? Even family, did family mean as much as it does now? In my life my family and friends always were number one. But now, it's even more important because I want Zach to value those relationships as I did.
I wish I could freeze these moments in time. The times I watch you sharing so kindly, or discovering just how many blocks it takes to make the tower fall. And your face when it does fall. Your face when you wake up and see that Shrek is cold and needs a blanket, and how quickly you come to his rescue. Watching you so carefully choose the right crayon color. ( will you be like your mama with colors?) Seeing your little brain jump from one thing to another and knowing exactly where it is going. Dancing in the kitchen, and reaching out to hold my hands the second you hear the first note of music. All of these things are what makes you; you. And, all of these things are what have now, made me; me. Me as a mama. I do still have that girl in me though, she's still there. I know it because she comes out every now and then. I found her somewhere. I was really starting to think that part of me was gone. But no, I found a lot of those things I thought were missing. I knew that if they were gone, I wouldn't have everything I wanted to instill in Zach. I want him to know that his mama is funny, and silly, and immature at times, and I just want him to always see me. Me who I always have been. I still have some of the insecurities I had before, and I still get hurt. I still don't always make the right decisions. I'm even wrong sometimes. ( I know, seems hard to believe, but really I am.) But I am a whole person again. Even though my half is gone. I am a happy, whole person. I know who I am. I know where I stand, and where I don't. I know that I don't have to look like a grand prix model to be worth something. (there is a story to that, grand prix model didn't come out of no where) I am who I am, standing firm on the things I believe, standing firm knowing I am doing a good job.
Zach, you are my baby and I am your mama. Thank you for always showing me what is really important. I love you more than anything.