I'm and Ogre...

I haven't posted about Zach in a while. And, well, that kid is just too funny these days not to document it. Everyday he seems to change and grow in some way. He is talking more, but still realizes that I will figure out whatever it is he is trying to say, therefore pointing works. This boy just has a way about him, I swear he was an old man in his past life; or something like that.
I love hearing his new words. My mom got him a "Shrek" doll that says phrases from the movie. One of them says "I'm an Ogre", and Shrek has that silly accent, you know. So, Zach has picked up the accent along with the words. He says" I'm an Oga." It is so cute. It's amazing what those little voices can do for our soul.
Each day feels like a journey we have set out to conquer together. A team. I never expected mama hood to bring to my life what it has. I knew it would be so, so good. But this? This is more than one could ever ask for. The thing is, your whole life you can build your character, the person you are, but never could you imagine the person you are after(and during, of course) mama hood. I know I am still new to this, and I have many, many years to go; but I am talking what I have learned so far. So much of what I learn if from Zach. Each day I learn from him. Shouldn't it be the other way around? Are the best teachers our children? They teach patience, discipline, kindness, compassion, endurance, and so much more. I thank God everyday for this wonderful life I am living. I really, honestly, would not trade it for all of the money in the world. Or anything else for that matter. I am a happy mama, raising a happy babe. I am sure most mama's can relate to this- but do you even remember life before our babes? I am sure you remember it, but does it seem even half as important as life now? Did your relationship with your husband seem to have as much meaning as it does now? Even family, did family mean as much as it does now? In my life my family and friends always were number one. But now, it's even more important because I want Zach to value those relationships as I did.
I wish I could freeze these moments in time. The times I watch you sharing so kindly, or discovering just how many blocks it takes to make the tower fall. And your face when it does fall. Your face when you wake up and see that Shrek is cold and needs a blanket, and how quickly you come to his rescue. Watching you so carefully choose the right crayon color. ( will you be like your mama with colors?) Seeing your little brain jump from one thing to another and knowing exactly where it is going. Dancing in the kitchen, and reaching out to hold my hands the second you hear the first note of music. All of these things are what makes you; you. And, all of these things are what have now, made me; me. Me as a mama. I do still have that girl in me though, she's still there. I know it because she comes out every now and then. I found her somewhere. I was really starting to think that part of me was gone. But no, I found a lot of those things I thought were missing. I knew that if they were gone, I wouldn't have everything I wanted to instill in Zach. I want him to know that his mama is funny, and silly, and immature at times, and I just want him to always see me. Me who I always have been. I still have some of the insecurities I had before, and I still get hurt. I still don't always make the right decisions. I'm even wrong sometimes. ( I know, seems hard to believe, but really I am.) But I am a whole person again. Even though my half is gone. I am a happy, whole person. I know who I am. I know where I stand, and where I don't. I know that I don't have to look like a grand prix model to be worth something. (there is a story to that, grand prix model didn't come out of no where) I am who I am, standing firm on the things I believe, standing firm knowing I am doing a good job.
Zach, you are my baby and I am your mama. Thank you for always showing me what is really important. I love you more than anything.