An update

It's been a while since I blogged last, I do like to keep this somewhat recent. Maybe this great weather has been keeping me away from he computer. This was a short, so-cal winter; but I have to say I am glad to see the sunshine. And I can't wait for the 4th of July, being in La Verne again. Every year I count down to his Holiday, like a child counting down the days to Christmas with an Advent calendar. I don't know why, but ever since I was little it has been my favorite. The beat-hot sun, BBQ's, fireworks, and my all time favorite parade. Now, living in La Verne I can watch this all from my front yard. I can't wait!
Bill and I have decided to work things out. Decided we want to. Both equally. He feels that we should look for a new place, "together." At first I was hesitant-to say the least. I mean, I searched and searched for this place, worked so hard to get it. And, I did. On my own. And, to give it up? Give all of this up? Well that's what I thought. I even said it out loud. "Give all of this up?" But then I heard myself. About an hour later it came to me. " Give all of this up? For who? It's not for me. I would be giving it all up for Zach. And my marriage." I know that if Bill were to move into my place, I would carry around resentment like a bag of rocks. I feel a sense f ownership, it's mine. Not "Ours." I had eft this task up to him, to find a place and do all the footwork. But I just couldn't help myself. If I saw a sign, I was dialing for dollars. I couldn't believe the prices people are asking. And, we're renting, people! 1700.00 for a 1000 sq. ft. house, come on. We're in La Verne, but this is not Beverly Hills. Finally, I found one for 1100.00. 2 Br, a den, washer and dryer hooks ups, and it's affordable! Oh. My. Gosh. This place looked like it was straight from the Holocaust. It was a joke. The floors were crooked, the bedrooms were more like a good sized pantry, and the den would make a nice coat closet. Please. Then I found one right on Bonita. In downtown. Affordable, 300 sq ft larger than mine now, washer and dryer hookups. ( If you know me and Bill, you would know how important this is. One of our biggest arguments is laundry.) We went together to look at it and fell in love with it. It is perfect. It was built in 1956 so it has the character of an old home, with updates where it was needed. The kitchen is my favorite part. It reminds me of my great grandmas kitchen. I can just see us having breakfast in the bright, sunny dining room. If we get it, you can all come over and watch the parade from out front yard!
I am glad things are looking brighter. I know Zach can see it also. Although, things have gotten easier, I will never forgot the strength I was forced to find. I like knowing that I accomplished what I did, and was able to make it out stronger. That gives me a sense and feeling that I am in this because I really want to be; not because I have to. I think it is good that Bill saw me do it on my own also. I think he now sees me with a different respect than before; and knows that should I be forced to be on my own, I will survive. So, keeping my fingers that all works out with this house. And, should it fall through; it was obviously not meant to be. Oh, but I do hope we get it!!