a year later...

A year later I sit here...wondering how I made it. Not that its over, this may even be the calm before the storm. But I'm here, I'm still me, and I'm stronger. I can't tell how much I have learned in the last year. How much I have seen a change in myself. I feel as I am living again. Some days ase still difficult, some days I still may even cry. I feel guilty at times that Zachs family is seoarated, but I finally know that well be ok. I know that I have the strength of a thousand men. I didn't know that last year. Today almost marks the day that I thought I was losing everything, that WE were losing everything. Everything that I had worked do damn hard for;only to see that not only was zach getting his mom back, but I got me back. I thought I would come out of this with a hardened heart but I was wrong. I came out knowing that I was just with the wrong person. it still hurts and I doubt myself sometimes; but I know that I made the right decision. Only to prove to myself that down the road I know I have what it takes to be the mama I want to be, like the mama that I have. And still, I can smile through the pain that the last year has brought; knowing that the next 365 days will bring me to 2 years from all of this. Looking back, knowing that I can take on any storm life sends my way. Zach- you are (not so much anymore) my baby and I am your mama(always).